blakspring http://blakspring.com/blog putting the "fist" in sophisticated Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:32:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.2 en Overheard Snippets: A Post in Two Acts http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/05/15/overheard-snippets-a-post-in-two-acts/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/05/15/overheard-snippets-a-post-in-two-acts/#comments Fri, 16 May 2008 01:37:55 +0000 Administrator Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/05/15/overheard-snippets-a-post-in-two-acts/ Act 1:

Two students, a boy and a girl, walk into the library at the tail-end of the school day.

Boy: I like the library. It’s the place to be.

Girl: Why?

Boy: ‘Cause it’s mad quiet up in here.

.

Act 2:

Two women drinking iced coffees on the subway. The rumble drowns out some of the dialog.

Woman #1: He asks me for money everyday. Everyday it’s like “give me…” (rumble)

Woman #2: Yeah, I don’t like that. I mean you can ask once or twice… (rumble)

Woman #1: You know what, he’s a smoocher.

Woman #2: You’re right, he is a smoocher.

Woman #1: Yeah, he smooches off of people.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/05/15/overheard-snippets-a-post-in-two-acts/feed/ It’s Like Speaking Another Language http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/25/its-like-speaking-another-language/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/25/its-like-speaking-another-language/#comments Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:33:24 +0000 Administrator Pictures Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/25/its-like-speaking-another-language/ The cousins were confused as to why D and I thought this sign was funny:

Then again, it took me a good five minutes to figure out why they were snickering when we mentioned a shag carpet.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/25/its-like-speaking-another-language/feed/ Hu Is Yasser? http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/24/hu-is-yassir/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/24/hu-is-yassir/#comments Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:20:38 +0000 Administrator Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/24/hu-is-yassir/ I was going to motivate myself to write a bit about London and Prague. Yeah, right. Instead, Little Sister and I somehow ended up looking at footage of Bush-isms on YouTube for about two hours. At some point it all started to repeat; one man, no matter how idiotic, can’t be expected to put his foot in his mouth that often. But even after five or six times, it still cracked me up to hear that “the human being and fish can coexist peacefully”. I was picturing a fish army with mini AK47s rising up out of the ocean to terrorize defenseless humans.

Our favorite clip is not an actual Bush quote, but it is a hysterical play on words of the who’s-on-first variety. We watched this so many times that I finally got a proper abs workout.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/24/hu-is-yassir/feed/ I’m Still Looking For The “Annoying Tourist Crossing” Sign http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/21/im-still-looking-for-the-annoying-tourist-crossing-sign/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/21/im-still-looking-for-the-annoying-tourist-crossing-sign/#comments Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:10:15 +0000 Administrator Pictures Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/21/im-still-looking-for-the-annoying-tourist-crossing-sign/

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/03/21/im-still-looking-for-the-annoying-tourist-crossing-sign/feed/ I’m A 30 Year-Old Goat Farmer From Puson http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/09/im-a-30-year-old-goat-farmer-from-puson/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/09/im-a-30-year-old-goat-farmer-from-puson/#comments Thu, 10 Jan 2008 02:57:00 +0000 Administrator Watch Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/09/im-a-30-year-old-goat-farmer-from-puson/ I know that all five of you expect more, but it seems like not much interesting has happened lately. I mean, I would have so much more stuff to write about if I didn’t spend a large portion of my day at work. But I do need to stay at my job for things like money and health insurance and to keep me from eating leftovers found in the dumpster of the local McDonald’s. (Though I wouldn’t eat from a White Castle dumpster - I have my limits.)

So, until I become independently wealthy or get a kid or a pet so I can have an endless supply of amusing stories, you will just have to watch this funny-ass MadTV skit with Bobby Lee in footed pajama. Warning: don’t eat or drink while watching. I am not going to be responsible for chocking accidents.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/09/im-a-30-year-old-goat-farmer-from-puson/feed/ iLaugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/03/ilaugh/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/03/ilaugh/#comments Fri, 04 Jan 2008 04:31:24 +0000 Administrator Watch Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/03/ilaugh/ I saw this skit recently on a MadTV repeat and thought it was damn witty:

I wonder if Dubya had a chance to see it. Then again, he probably wouldn’t get it anyway.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2008/01/03/ilaugh/feed/ Recommended Daily Allowance http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/28/recommended-daily-allowance/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/28/recommended-daily-allowance/#comments Sat, 29 Dec 2007 01:54:21 +0000 Administrator Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/28/recommended-daily-allowance/ Me: I’m gonna start taking better care of my skin - wearing my gloves when it’s cold, moisturizing more.

D: So next time you’re out in the sun I guess I should force you inside.

Me: No, a little sun every day is good. It’s the best source of Vitamin D.

D: (pointing to himself, smiling, and wiggling his eyebrows)

Me: What? Ooooh, you’re Vitamin “D”. Funny. Except you’re more like Carcinogen D.

D: Carcinogen? No way. At least let me be Inactive Ingredient D.

Me: Alright, I guess that works too.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/28/recommended-daily-allowance/feed/ SPAM Of The Day http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/20/spam-of-the-day/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/20/spam-of-the-day/#comments Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:00:03 +0000 Administrator Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/20/spam-of-the-day/ Since 99% of the spam that I get has to do with counterfeit Rolexes (I have no idea why), the remaining 1% tends to catch my eye. Especially when it is from one Dr. Fredric Cantrell telling me “You have chance to become a real man”. How did Dr. Cantrell know that it has been my life’s dream to urinate while standing and scratch my balls all day? So I had to read the rest:

“You Do not like your device size. Women laugh at you. It’s time to solve this problem. Use our male instrument en,largement and Chicks will adore you for sure. Many men around the world have changed their sexual life.”

He’s so right - I hate it when women laugh at me. Thank goodness I now have a chance to do something about it. Sign me up Doc.
And in other SPAM news, most of the spam that gets sent to this blog is for a variety of prescription drugs whose names I cannot pronounce without tying my tongue in a knot. But every once in a while I get a memorable gem such as “foot lesbian sexy”. Man, who comes up with this crap? It sounds like a bunch of horny illiterates strung some random words together and forgot to run the grammar check.  This is what happens when teachers are underpaid.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/12/20/spam-of-the-day/feed/ Giving The Man His Credit http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/11/10/giving-the-man-his-credit/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/11/10/giving-the-man-his-credit/#comments Sat, 10 Nov 2007 22:52:35 +0000 Administrator Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/11/10/giving-the-man-his-credit/ D and I want to do more indoor climbing so D bought a chalk bag for when we eventually get around to doing this.

“It’s so nice. It’s almost a shame to put chalk in it and dirty it up.”

“Well, what else would you use it for? A coin purse?”

“Yeah, like a new kind of fanny pack.”

“Fanny pack. That’s a good one. That’s pretty ‘fanny’.”

“What can I say? I’m a ‘fanny’ girl.”

“I like your fanny. Not the English fanny, but the British fanny.”

“…Do you know that you just said ‘not the English fanny, but the British fanny’.”

“I meant not the American fanny. Oh…you must think I’m dumber than the average American.”

“You’re smarter than a lot of the kids at school. Well, the freshmen anyway.”

“I hate you.”

“That’s ok. This is so post-worthy.”

“Yeah, you should pay me for all the material I provide you with. I should get credit”

“Go ahead. You can take ALL the credit for this one.”

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/11/10/giving-the-man-his-credit/feed/ Double Entendre http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/10/14/double-entendre/ http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/10/14/double-entendre/#comments Mon, 15 Oct 2007 01:15:25 +0000 Administrator Laugh http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/10/14/double-entendre/ “If you want it to move up and down, you have to rub here.”

I was trying to explain to my friend how to scroll up and down on a web page using the touch pad on my laptop. Honestly, I was. It just came out wrong. No wonder he looked at me funny.

]]> http://blakspring.com/blog/2007/10/14/double-entendre/feed/